I am pretty sure all of us have been to some public place in the past - looked around at the people occupying said place - and thought: "Gee, I hope none of these people reproduce." Think of the last time you were at the DMV or Post Office, or maybe at a family reunion. No matter where it was, we've all had this feeling. If you are thinking: "I've never thought that", chances are people feel that way about you.
Very rare, however, do we feel this way when we turn on the TV. As a kid I always hoped Zach knocked up Kelly on Saved By The Bell. I always wanted little Kevin Arnold to put the screws to Winnie Cooper on the Wonder Years (too much?)... However, I never, ever, ever wanted to see Kim Kardashian with child. Throw in some Kanye West genes with the Kardashian blend? This poor kid has no chance.
Let's talk to the fella's!
Yo Kanye, what the hell are you thinking man? Do you know this chick holds the world record for shortest marriage ever (might not be factually correct)! If you are going for a Jay-Z/Beyonce thing, you completely failed. Beyonce is extremely talented. Kim Kardashian is famous because of her parents (not sure which one) and leaking a sex-tape (which Pamela Anderson totally did first, and after that Paris Hilton... So she just reinvented the leaked-porno-wheel), and you didn't even want to masturbate to the sex-tape... so I hear.... No really, a friend told me that... OK, I masturbated to her sex-tape!
Celebrity parents are usually so good at doing their jobs aren't they? Look at Brittany over here almost dropping her baby. You can see her carefully thinking about how to turn this into a papparazzi nip-slip for the internet tabloids! Even her publicist behind her is in "catch the baby because this nip-slip is going to earn me some cash" mode.
Oh, and remember when Michael Jackson died? People were either talking about the King of Pop dying, or that his death overshadowed Farrah Fawcett's death. Nothing about Michael's poor children (one of which was held out of a hotel window Lion King style)... Celebrity parents suck... Even Brad and Angelina (whatever her name is) are terrible parents. Sure, they adopt kids from impoverished nations. But they are hording them like some weird cat-lady does cats! Oh, and remember Dave Hasselhoff's daughter? She recorded her drunk-ass father on the floor eating a burger. No one does that to the Hoff!
Let's talk to the fella's!
Yo Kanye, what the hell are you thinking man? Do you know this chick holds the world record for shortest marriage ever (might not be factually correct)! If you are going for a Jay-Z/Beyonce thing, you completely failed. Beyonce is extremely talented. Kim Kardashian is famous because of her parents (not sure which one) and leaking a sex-tape (which Pamela Anderson totally did first, and after that Paris Hilton... So she just reinvented the leaked-porno-wheel), and you didn't even want to masturbate to the sex-tape... so I hear.... No really, a friend told me that... OK, I masturbated to her sex-tape!
That's who you want mothering your child? To make her parents proud, all she had to do was not make a sex-tape. That's it!
All my single-ladies!
Well, I would throw in a little about Kanye here, but we have Chris Brown in the entertainment business. As long as Chris Brown is around, Kanye will appear to be a semi-decent pick.
But what about the kid!
See what I'm talking about folks? I've dedicated a blog post to Kimye's (that reminds me, TMZ: it feels like you're forcing those now) baby and have exhausted 358 words on its incredibly self-absorbed celebrity-parents. Let's just hope they don't spend their money like they will continue to make these sums for their entire lives, and let's hope to hell they hire some people to do a majority of the baby-raising!
Celebrity parents are usually so good at doing their jobs aren't they? Look at Brittany over here almost dropping her baby. You can see her carefully thinking about how to turn this into a papparazzi nip-slip for the internet tabloids! Even her publicist behind her is in "catch the baby because this nip-slip is going to earn me some cash" mode. Oh, and remember when Michael Jackson died? People were either talking about the King of Pop dying, or that his death overshadowed Farrah Fawcett's death. Nothing about Michael's poor children (one of which was held out of a hotel window Lion King style)... Celebrity parents suck... Even Brad and Angelina (whatever her name is) are terrible parents. Sure, they adopt kids from impoverished nations. But they are hording them like some weird cat-lady does cats! Oh, and remember Dave Hasselhoff's daughter? She recorded her drunk-ass father on the floor eating a burger. No one does that to the Hoff!
Final analysis.
Take this baby away. For God's sake, give Casey Anthony another shot. Nothing can be worse than these two having a kid together. And yes, I know Snookie has a kid.
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