Redneck fashion tip of the day: Camouflage matches everything (and anything).
This trend has haunted us for the past two (at least) decades, and I have finally had enough! I'm sorry, if you aren't in a jungle with an AK-47 and need to remain hidden from people trying to kill you - you should not be wearing camouflage anything! And the people who do actually make it out in public wearing camouflage - does their family and friends hate them?! My wife doesn't let me leave the house unshaven, let alone dressed in anything as equally embarrassing as camouflage!
You got no legs Lt. Dan!
OK, if you go to Google Images, and search "Camouflage Redneck", you will be entertained for a rock-solid half-an-hour. It's hilarious!
Anyways, I often wondered if people wore camouflage in public to keep a portion of their bodies hidden from everyone else... Camouflage does serve a purpose; Being fashionable is not one of them, so there has to be another reason people wear them. Is there someone who wants to fight them, and at any given moment they might have to blend in with their surroundings? There is no way wearing camouflage gets them laid, they'd have a better chance finding a mate while riding a Moped. So what is it?! Do they plan on scaring passer-by's? Is there a guild of redneck ninjas and camouflage is how they remain hidden? Yes, I am assuming only rednecks wear camouflage. Oh, and if you are a female who is turned-on by camouflage - shame on you. I am absolutely sure your father is wasting away in a bar somewhere, because you have been an extreme disappointment.
The animals are tricked every time!
Hunters wear camouflage. True story. Google it. Why wouldn't you Google it? I just told you to Google it! Hunters wear camouflage so they won't be seen by the animals they are hunting (or preying, i guess would also work). They also douse themselves in deer-urine, and sit in the same f**king spot for hours on end! So which one is it? This guy holding that light machine gun (yes, it is a light machine gun, heavy machine guns are mounted) has the right idea! Just burst that mother-f**ker off into the forest and you'll be eating for a year! No camouflage required! I also like the fact that this hunter is basically saying: "I don't need to wear unfashionable camo in order to feed my family!" If there are hunters in the forest that this guy is blasting in, let's hope they are wearing camouflage... it'll keep them hidden from the bullets.
Final analysis.
Get rid of camouflage in any environment where it doesn't serve a purpose. That is it folks.
Oh, and check out the f**king archives!
Well, I hope you'll forgive me for this, but I actually have a few pieces of camo in my wardrobe. Most of them are in non-traditional camo colors (my dad busted a gut laughing at my pink camo pants) but I would never dress in it from head to toe.
ReplyDeleteOddly enough, some of my favorite officers tend to wear camo clothing on the same days I do. Put us in a room together and we look like the next act on a bad sketch comdey show.