Do we really need... To share the road?

So...  cyclists, what gives?  Why (for at least the past decade) have you been trying to over-take what's otherwise known as our country's fine road-system?  When the hell did you come up with the fantastic idea to navigate a 45lb or less aluminum tube-framed, two-wheeled, 20mph max-speed vehicle on the same infrastructure that 2,000lb steel-bodied 60mph rolling solid death dealers use?

The operative word is share.

There you are.  Enjoying the beautiful day, getting a ton of useful exercise, and being totally oblivious to the fact that there is a line of cars behind you with occupants vehemently wishing you didn't exist.  Sound terrible?  To us "drivers" (which, is extremely inflammatory and we get offended when you refer to us as such), you are a step below mopeds.  Yup.  We'd much rather get stuck behind a person who, on three separate occasions, didn't learn not to drink and drive.  You're a step beneath them.

Here's the thing.  People don't want to despise you!  We are all for sharing this wonderful road.  Keep in mind, however, while you are enjoying the road in all its' glory, we are stuck behind you only using the road for about, 10% of what it's made of.  It's wonderful to cruise at 14mph on a bike;  It's literally a f*cking nightmare trying to do 14mph in a car behind you.

So please, next time you suit up (in clothes that would never be deemed acceptable in any other scenario), before you put on that pressed foam/plastic helmet, and before you show the entire community just how into fitness you really are, please remember to keep looking behind you on the friggin agenda.

The only thing actually worse than getting stuck behind a cyclist, is getting stuck behind a car who has the stick-figure-family stickers on the back, where the stick figure family are all posing with bicycles.  Even the family dog has one.  I'm not sure where you people come from, but I guarantee no one has ever said: "Thank you God...  I was seriously wondering if that family in the Honda Pilot had a fetish for severely slowing down traffic."

Final Analysis.

I kid the bikers.  Keep using the road, and when it's safe we'll simply drive around you.  But be safe out there...  when you grow a pair, I'll see you on the Mountain Biking trails.

Men to be men.

Yo men, you know what I did this weekend?  I enjoyed downtown Charlotte with my wife for our anniversary.  What was my first order of business?  I broke my toe.  I did that before we even left the f*cking house.  What did I do about it?  I walked downtown Charlotte with my wife...  like a man.  I bowled several games at Strike City, like a man.  I even enjoyed intercourse...  like a man.  I know too many dudes who would've checked out on account of a broken toe...  unlike a man.

Men are different now.

No, feminists - we're not.  We are still men.  We have always wanted to look nice, smell nice, and be polite - but -  our need to be stronger than our female counter-part is natural.  Putting us in a onesie holding a cup of something other than coffee or liquor does not change us from what we are.  Actually, it just inspires us to make fun of the dude wearing a onesie holding a cup of something other than coffee or liquor (oh and coffee liquear does not count).

But dudes, you're allowing this sh*t to happen.  Why are you skipping cologne and going to full body spray?  Bar soap has done so well for us, but suddenly we are exfoliating with loofas and body gel?  F*cking face lotion?  F*cking hand lotion?  F*cking 18-blade razors???  Come on guys, cut your face once in a while, and do so without running for a damned band-aid.

Brohemian Rhapsody

Yeah bro, drink your morning iced-coffee through a straw.  That certainly makes it seem tougher than simply drinking an iced coffee...  oh wait, it doesn't.  Here is the real problem: this actually attracts women.  Women can actually look at this dude and think: ---  well..  I probably couldn't tell you what a woman thinks, but I still know what it's like to be a man.  This sure as hell doesn't; he is obviously one period away from crying over receiving tickets to the Ellen Degeneres show.  How awesome would it be to see her dance live, bro?

Men -

We no longer have to hunt and prepare food.  That's a plus.  That does not mean it is impossible to still be men in society.  Wanting to look nice is much different than being anything short of a female.  They set the rules - I get it - that doesn't mean they want to start dating more annoying versions of themselves!  That's what you've become - more annoying versions of females.

Back

My absence

Can be summed up in one picture:

That is my beautiful wife and 7 month old, Lucas.  We had a complicated pregnancy that led to an emergency C-section.  The adorable little man now has to see a specialist on 4/08/14, because his skull-plates fused together early, and there is a good chance he has to undergo surgery.

It's been busy.  There's been some ups and downs, but I would change none of it for the world - what does that even mean?  Why would someone want the "world"?  I just want stuff that's in it -  However, the light at the end of the tunnel only allows me to see everything that pisses me off again.

Time to fix society, one blog at a time.  With even more vigor - considering I'm raising a person to be a good man - so f*ck everything you thought was acceptable or were just going to ignore...  we've got work to do!