Do We Really Need.... Smart Products?

We can all probably remember when the first "Smart Phones" were released.  Despite the fact that the ones coming out two years later made the older ones look stupid, we were all pretty excited.  These devices are SMART!!  Well, we didn't have the benefit of hindsight back then, so we didn't realize they were actually stupid as sh*t.  But, the "smart" trend took over and we were then graced with the presence of Smart Cars, which I wrote about back in 2012.  Well, once again we are embraced with a "smart" technology, and it's a gun!  So, let's evaluate how smart this sh*t actually makes us, shall we?

Smart Phones 

Yes, because walking into a fountain is incredibly smart.  Next time, stay off the f*cking phone.  What was so important at the time, that you had to risk living in complete embarrassment of being the girl who walks into a fountain?  But then you sue?  We now know you --not as the dumb chick who walked into a fountain -- but as Cathy Cruz Marrero, the dumb chick who walked into a fountain.  How's that working out for you, Cathy?  Instead of fading into the anonymity that would've been "that chick just walked into a fountain", you'll now live in infamy as Cathy Cruz Marrero, the chick who not only walked into a fountain, but quickly sued the security company for releasing the video, of Cathy Crus Marrero being an idiot.  In this day and age, the video will still exist online!  Did this not occur to you in your years of owning a smart phone?  By the way, congrats on being a person who was made rich from being an idiot.

Smart Cars 

Yeah, so if you bought one, you're an idiot.  Want to prove me wrong?  OK...  My family is taking a trip to Ohio mid July...  Let's see your car can get myself, my wife, and my child, plus our luggage to our destination.  Oh, it can't?  Yeah, it's not because you're smart, it's because you were the victim of smart-marketing.  Your car is anything but smart, not to mention, you look like an idiot driving it.

Smart Guns

What is a "smart gun" you ask?  Well, it's obviously a gun that is smarter than the owner (which has proven to work SO WELL with other "smart" technology)...   The wikipedia article about the Smart Gun says:

Proponents of smart gun technology say that the technology would reduce or eliminate accidental use and misuse of firearms by children and teens, as well as reducing accidental discharges or the use of a firearm against its owner if the firearm is stolen or taken away.

Funny, does it teach children and teens to value, or at least appreciate, life to the point where they will never consider taking another persons' life?!?  Does it teach them that a simple dispute is not worth terminating the life of the person you are in conflict with?  Does it teach them that shooting your parents is not an acceptable response to: "No, you're not having a Hot Pocket for dinner"?

What's more likely to happen, is more people trying to prove how smart they are, and perform another gun demonstration gone wrong.  For God's sake, this guy was trying to show his girlfriend how safe an unloaded gun was (and forgot to check the chamber, because he is that smart)...  Imagine how many more idiots this kind of technology will spawn.  You think we have a gun problem now?  Just wait until guns are "smart".

Final Analysis

Quit with the smart technology.  Branding your product as "smart" is simply a way to make sheep want to buy it, and those of us smart enough to not spend the money feel stupid -- speaking of stupid, that's what your "smart" technology makes us.

Banfield.

Once again, a $25.99 monthly debit to Banfield crosses my radar, and once again I'm tasked with figuring out why the f*ck we pay for Banfield.  See, $25.99 seems like pennies in terms of a monthly payment.  But, I've been playing this game for over three years now.  So I've paid a company almost $1,000 in figuring out whether I need them or not, and that doesn't include the money I spend when I actually do go.  But now I'm back to my original question:

No...  No question - Banfield is a scam.
OK...  So I took my dog recently (she'd pooping problems for approximately 3 days), I was so confused with the conversation I had with the woman checking my dog in:

Nurse: "What's the baby's name?" 
Me: "The baby?  Oh, his name is Lucas." 
Nurse: "His?  It says here she's a girl?"
Me: "Oh...  the dog?"
Nurse: "Yes, the baby?"
Me: "The baby or the dog?  Because the dog is named Juliet."
Me: "We call her Jules" (I only point out her full name so people don't mistake it for "jewels")...
Nurse: "Why is she here?"
Me: "You guys called us...  and she's having problems pooping."
Nurse: "What kind of problems?"

OK, so I won't bore you with the poop-related banter.  Instead, I'll simply tell you she inquired about the poop-related problems my dog was having.  If you're interested, you're either really creepy or an aspiring Veterinarian (if you were already a Veterinarian - I suspect you'd have more important things to do than read my blog, that's why I stopped at aspiring).  Here is the conversation after the poop related discussion (brackets: [] are my blog-banter):

Me: "So, we're going to have to pay some dough for this checkup?"
Nurse: "Well, yes.  Bringing your baby here [My 9 month old is my f*cking baby, not my 30-something (in dog years) prima donna dog who recently decided to have problems pooping] is free.  You'll either have to pay [a ridiculous sum of money], or if you sign another contract you'll just have to pay [a less ridiculous sum of money] if you want us to fist her in the butt."
Me: "So, either way this costs money?"

Hey Sparky, we're taking you to Banfield!

So, the conversation is boring on either side of the poop-banter.  Fine.  Point is, around the time we decide to stop paying for Banfield, they somehow find a way to get us in.  Once we get the dog there, we have to make a decision between paying a lot upfront, or a little over time (which always ends up being more).  Like any person who is insanely stupid when it comes for money, I opt to take the route which requires me to pay less upfront.  Oh, and after a $115 checkup, $40 in high-fiber dog food, and pooping problems that continued shortly thereafter, I learned that feeding the dog pineapple will help with her problems.  Yes, a $1 can of f*cking pineapple slices fixed her right up.  This time, I will not let Banfield scam us into another year of this crap.  Instead, we'll simply save the money, and take the dog to a Vet when she has a problem.  Like people used to do - ironically people used to have more money.  I wonder if the amount of money people have in their pockets is directly related to the wide range of stupid shit they have to spend it on - like Banfield.

Final Analysis.

Save your money.  F*ck Banfield.