Do we really need... PC Laptops?

My laptop's battery got into the danger-zone, and the warning message we are all too familiar with opened on my screen:

It dawned on me...  is my laptop being politically correct?  What other power source must you mean, Windows?  I know, I'll do the onion/Gatorade thing - you know, where the guy charges his iPod?

  

We don't want you to feel left out.

We wouldn't want all the other power sources to feel left out, would we?  How would you feel if you were a steam-powered generator, and you knew laptops around the world weren't including you as a power source option?  I wouldn't want to live in a world that only favored the most convenient option for power-generation.  Maybe there is a species of giant hamsters...  ok, now we're just getting ridiculous, but you catch my drift.  So next time you are using your laptop and the battery nears the end of its life, make sure you consult Wikipedia's list of energy sources before walking just a couple of feet to the wall outlet.  Yeah, most houses nowadays have wall outlets every couple of feet...  but we don't want convenience to get in the way of all the other great sources of power, such as a hamster running on a wheel (I couldn't help but get that out!)

Final Analysis

Pox this politically correct crap.  If someone can legitimately find a better way to charge a laptop battery, please let me know.  Until then, Windows, just say "Plug in your f**king computer"!

Good day.

Do we really need... Pens with flashlights?

Even though I feel like I am revisiting Clocks on Appliances and Throw Pillows, I can't sit idly by while the mash-up of these two inventions continue to circulate the globe and get a free pass.  I am talking, folks, about the pen that has a flash-light built into it.

Inventing for invention's sake.

The pen is a fantastic invention.  It allows us to record our thoughts, data, or any other information that might be too important to rely on memory alone (I am lousy when it comes to remembering where a piece of paper, I had written important information on, is...  but that's my cross to bear).  The flash-light is also a great invention.  It provides light when there is only darkness.  But...  Who is the f*cking genius that thought it would be a good idea to combine an invention that requires light to use, with an invention that is only useful in the dark?  Hold on now, it would be great if the flashlight was mounted so you can write in the dark...  But no, the flashlight is on the top side of the pen.  So it doesn't even solve the problem of pens being useless in the dark!

Not to mention, these are the two inventions that are the hardest to find when you do need them.  Really, when someone asks if you have a pen, is your answer usually:  "Oh, I have one right here"?  No!  You say: I've got one somewhere, all the while rummaging through a ton of sh*t you haven't seen in ages with the faintest memory of a pen being there!  When the power goes out, is there ever a time when you say: I know where the flashlight with fully-charged batteries is!  NO!!  So why combine the f*cking two!

Final Analysis.

I love capitalism and the free-market.  But this lazy wannabe invention crap has got to end.  Let's stop ruining perfectly good inventions by strapping another equally important yet completely irrelevant invention to them.  I imagine twenty years from now I'll be writing about the convertible airplane, or lawn sprinklers with cup-holders...  yeah,  that's the world we live in.

Do we really need... Burt Wonderstone?

OK peeps:  I want to start by saying I am a huge Steven Carrel fan.  I've enjoyed most of his movies, and the parts he's played in most movies (less Anchorman.  I am not a big fan of the "idiot" role in general.  Not good comedy). 

That being said - 

After catching a commercial for his new movie: The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, I felt like there was a missed opportunity.  Here is IMDB's description:

Magician Burt Wonderstone splits from his longtime stage partner after a guerrilla street magician steals their thunder. By spending some time with his boyhood idol, Burt looks to remember what made him love magic in the first place.

I immediately thought: Why didn't Ben Stiller do this with Tony Wonder?  Tony Wonder was the best spoof of a magician since The Magician named G.O.B.!  Come on guys, I'm sure Steve Carrel did a great job, but let's put Burt Wonderstone and Tony Wonder side-by-side:

My Arrested Development homies know what I mean when I say "come on!!"  Sorry Steve, Tony Wonder takes it.  Besides, we need another good Ben Stiller flick.  I bet Will Ferrell would make a great supporting actor...  Yeah, and why didn't the makers of Wonderstone reach out to Will?  Do you really think he was that busy making Anchorman 2?!?  Again, come on!!

This is what I will never get about Hollywood.  I just created a much better movie that could've been written since 2006, and yet, we are stuck with this crap.  I doubt Burt Wonderstone will ever be as quotable of a hero like Ricky Bobby or Ron Burgundy (which he is busy trying to destroy that great name).

To finish it off, I am going to leave you with a video.  One of my favorite scenes starring Ben Stiller as Tony Wonder:

Now, how in the world will Steve Carrel compete with that?