Do we really need... Throw pillows?

I must say "thank you" to my loving wife for pointing out this one.  We have a new bedroom set that came with decorative throw pillows.  Every morning we would make the bed, place the throw pillows, and leave the room.  The funny part is, when we are in the bedroom, we are in the bed.  In this situation, throw pillows just get in the way!

I want my 112 minutes a year back!


If you own throw pillows, you spend roughly 2 hours of your year removing and replacing them from/on your bed.  You haven't told me what your hobbies are, one of mine is video games.  Man, two straight hours of video games I can be playing (one day out of the year).  Instead I spend that time decorating my bed with dysfunctional pillows.

Let me make it even more depressing.  How often do people see your bedroom?  Most people that I know do not have their bedroom displayed in a Pier One catalog.  This is the only defense for throw pillows.  I looked great in a catalog, didn't I?

You aren't throwing anything!


That is right folks.  The whole name is deceitful.  You don't literally "throw" these things.  Now that I think about it, once the pillows are placed, shouldn't they be "thrown" pillows?  There are too many questions that can't be answered.  I digress.  You do not physically throw them.  You actually carefully place and readjust them until they look perfect.  Then you go on about your day never to look at them again.  But hey, at least the walls of your unoccupied bedroom probably enjoy them.

Actually, the more I write, the more pissed I get.  Wasn't there a scene in a movie where a couple tears up their throw pillows?  Along Came Polly?  Who knows.  It looks like a lot of fun.  Do we really need the movie "Along Came Polly"?  Ben Stiller, you are dead to me.  Ever since your father queried "have you been crushing any pussy?"  I found you very....  creepy.

Final analysis


Get rid of them.  Especially because you are the only person they might benefit.  It is ridiculous to decorate your bed with something that you only enjoy while you are decorating your bed (redundant much?).  I am embarrassed to admit that I was a user...  I am through the 12 step program, and now I feel satisfied.