Monday, October 1, 2012

Do we really need presents: The Dumb Signs Addition!

Ahhh signs...  They are such valuable objects that can pass on valuable information that assists us when we are on the road, when we are shopping, when we are going out to eat, and even when we are washing our hands!  However, there is only so much information that can be passed on by these things, and anything beyond that becomes down-right ridiculous!

No parking/stopping on tracks.

Really?  Do we really need to be reminded to not park/stop on the system that allows thousands of tons of steel to travel at 50mph +?  What kind of idiot gets half-way across train tracks and says: "Rockstar parking!" and gets out?  And I'm sorry, if you are stupid enough to stop on train-tracks while waiting for a light to turn green, you probably deserve to have your life ended by 1,000's of tons of steel suddenly occupying the space that you once held.  Now, the train could possibly derail and take innocent lives, so I really don't secretly wish a train destroys you and your car...  however, if this sign was ever beneficial to you, do us all a favor - plug in your toaster and fish out the loose bread-crumbs with a butter-knife.  Thank you in advance.

Water on road...  during RAIN?!?

What??  I'm sure most of us can appreciate the message this sign is attempting to convey: "Road may flood"...  boom.  I was able to get the message across using half the words, and without making an entire county look like complete ass-hats.  Water on road during rain?!?  For holy f*ck's sake, on most of the roads I travel, the rain simply disappears before ever touching the roads surface...  On the other roads, the rain isn't made up of water...  Either the creator of this sign took the "cats and dogs" phrase too literally, or this was a poor Spanish-to-English translation.  Either way, if this sign ever made you say "Oh, thanks for the information", please grab a buddy and go sky-diving.  Take one parachute with you.  Refuse to do a tandem-jump, and insist your friend use the parachute.  Thank you in advance.

Sidewalk ends.

For years I have taken advantage of these concrete surfaces known as "sidewalks".  I find it strange how soft things feel nice underneath your feet, yet when you are walking a good hard surface does the trick.  However, too many times have I been taking in a good walk, and suddenly it goes south.  Grass, or any other non-paved surface sneaks its way in and suddenly I have to navigate uneven terrain!  If only I've had some warning!  If you were able to relate to my last three sentences,  please move to North Korea and start a blog about how terrible Kim Jong-un is as a leader, and also spread rumors that his father Kim Jong-il, was gay.  Thank you in advance.

Don't park here...  Unless you are in an automobile!

Yeah, there will be no: "please commit suicide" after this entry.  This sign just baffles me.  Generally, areas to park a bicycle are equipped with a bike-rack...  I can hardly imagine being able to fit an automobile in a bike-rack.  Actually, is there not an object that assists with the parking of any other non-automobile  object?  You can even park yourself...  but that requires a park-bench!!  I wish I knew where this sign came from.  There is obviously an epidemic happening involving people parking things that aren't motorized, and the picture just leaves more to question than it does answer!  What are people parking in these spaces that aren't automobiles?!?  I would speculate, but that would require an entirely different blog...  I will say, if this sign has ever made you say: "Oh, damn"...  please, buy yourself some SCUBA gear.  Book yourself a cruise.  Half-way through the cruise equip yourself with the SCUBA gear, and jump off the back of the ship (don't tell anybody what you are doing).  Swim toward the ocean-floor, and don't attempt to resurface until you have completely run out of oxygen.  (So, I lied at the beginning...  sorry)

Sign...  wait, what?

Sign not in use!?  There is a sign that says: "Sign not in use"?!?  WHAT!!    Isn't the sign being used?  I don't get it.  However, this is a great sign to end this blog with, because now I am incredibly pissed.  Thank you, useless sign, for re-enforcing my alcoholism for yet another day.  If this sign ever made you say: "Oh, well they should go and use that"...  you know what?  Just f*cking kill yourself.

Final Analysis.

Signs, I guess like everything else, have been completely abused and over-used.  There is some information that should be common-sense.  Common-sense has become much less common, so we need to let Darwinism really do its job.  I suggest we stop abusing the poor signs and let the chips fall where they may.

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