Do we really need... Skinny jeans for men?

I have secretly wished for a long time that I was home-schooled as a child, and then took up residence underneath a rock.  However, I am really looking into renting beneath-rock space now more than ever.  Why?  It is this new "hipster" era, and what is making it even worse is these "hipster" men rocking women's clothing.  It is even catching on amongst the "gangstas", which really leads me to believe we are becoming a country full of pussies (sorry for being vulgar...  and, sorry Kim, and Jenn, and Mom).

Just imagine if this group of bandanna wearing....  ok.  So these guys are obviously gay.  I was going to paint this whole scenario where these guys were robbing you, but unless you were a female with a Louis Vuitton handbag, I can imagine they would just leave you alone.  I kid the gays!  But seriously, how do you even get into those damn things?  Do you need bunk beds, and some device that opens the pants standing up on the floor, and jump from the top bunk in?  Are they made of denim?  And what is with that guy posing in the green in the back?  Is he "sexy and he knows it"?  Hey, I am not here to answer all of your ridiculous questions...  I am here to be ridiculous.  Me: 1, You: 0.  But I digress.


Yes, gentlemen, I know...  we are jealous of women!

As men, we all fantasize about having breasts.  How awesome would that be?!?  And all young virgin men also fantasize about being a female slut.  It is in our DNA.  As long as there are no women to fornicate with, we fantasize about being a promiscuous female (which is weird, because the second we have a daughter we are welding a chastity belt to their bodies.  Who woulda thunk?).  It is almost like we dream about over-compensating for the women who refuse to have sex with us!  (Oh yeah...  slut, fornicate, breasts, and sex in the same paragraph.  As Nelly would say: It's getting hot in herrr).

It's seems to me that one man thought: "Oh, she looks really good in that tight pair of jeans.  I think I am going to buy a pair and force my hairy unattractive legs into them!"  To make matters worse, these guys have no problem wearing an article of clothing named: Skinny Jeans!

Look at this douche-bag to the right.  The faux-hawk wasn't enough for him.  He had to rock the one-size too-small Ed Hardy shirt, the skinny jeans, and to top it off the flip-flops.  It probably only took a couple of skinny-cocktails for him to garner up the balls (which are probably suffocating) to even pose for this picture!  Oh, and the sign over his left shoulder, the one in the shape of the octagon, isn't only telling the cars to stop.  It is a message to any man who thinks this is the way to dress...  STOP!! 

There wasn't enough cuts?

Boot cut, straight cut, wide leg, STOP.  That was it men!  No need to even "taper" your jeans because they made you look like idiots!  God how I long for the days when "sagging" your pants were in style!  Just the right amount of "sag", with some baggy jeans made you look tough.

Do yourself a favor, Google: Men wearing skinny jeans, and I will show you a gallery of men who should've been there to testify against Jerry Sandusky (too soon?)

Final analysis.

I'm sorry, even if you are a male ballerina, there is no reason to take the leotard off-stage.  Guys wearing these things look like idiots (and no, it is not just the faux-hawk distracting us from the skinny-jeans).  Get rid of them...  Get back to being men.  Next time you hear a feminist complain about not being able to change the world, please direct her to this blog, and kindly tell her that she has done enough damage.