Adult assembly required.

So, in preparation for my son who is to be delivered in August, my wife and I have been converting one of our spare bedrooms into a nursery.  This, of course, includes building a crib.  It didn't take three minutes after opening the box (opening the box took more like 15 minutes) for me to just get incredibly pissed at lawyers and our society in general.

I don't know about you, but I am sick of the obvious being stated.  From Caution: Hot Beverage being printed on my take-out coffee cups to Do not eat on those tiny packages of ball-like things that are packaged with electronics.  Hey society, let us take some f*cking risks!  We learn in school that a function of Darwinism is the strong overcoming the obstacles the weak are unable to, which leads to a stronger species. We have been interfering with Darwin now for over forty years, and the result is a huge society filled with pansies, and men are now wearing make-up.

You mean, my unborn baby shouldn't be building this?

Is there anyone who reads this and immediately thinks: Oh, sh*t...  well little Billy, it looks like I'm going to have to put this damn thing together myself now.  No.  Any a**hole who was going to have a child put together a crib won't suddenly have a moment of clarity and do the right thing.  Also, we are expecting way to little from our kids nowadays.  Ever see Little House on the Prairie?  Little Billy would already be going toe-to-toe with a King Rattlesnake (if there is such a thing), single-handedly choke out the snake, de-venom the damn thing, and serve it up for his family.  Let's also not forget that the crib was made in China.  I wonder how many of the workers assembling the pieces of the crib were only three years out of a crib themselves!  Here in the US, however, we wrap Billy up in a catcher's protective gear, put seven extra wheels on his bicycle, and tell him to have at it...  And he looks like a wobbling idiot as he goes down the street learning nothing.

I feel I have already touched on this with Hot Beverage Warnings, but every time I see something stating the damn obvious, I die a little inside (and as a smoking beer-aholic, I need all the life I can get).  I'm sure after my kid is born, I will see more and more of these "obvious" warning labels, so stay tuned.  For now, I'm saying: Hey lawyers, f*ck you!