Do we really need...Miley Cyrus "twerking"?

You want to watch a train-wreck happen in slow motion?  Go back 6 or 7 years when Miley Cyrus played sweet little Hannah Montana and follow her career to today.  Then, look at the very young girls who look up to Miley follow her every move on this trash-train to no inhibitions.

Just look at the way Miley's sister dressed up for Halloween a year or two ago.  What the f*ck?  Far be it from me to know when to bite my tongue, but I will practice restraint on account of the fact that she is nine years old in this picture.  But again, what the f*ck?

Do younger sisters of superstars have no parents?  What father lets his nine-year old daughter dress up in the same boots that you only find in S&M movies?  Also, I thought the standard for dresses and skirts was, like an inch or two above the knee.  Granted, she has small legs (she was nine for God's sake), but the dress is more like an inch or two (more like an inch) below the waist!

I've spent too much time on Miley's younger sister, who I am willing to bet is getting into outfits now that make this look like a Brownie's uniform.  Let's get back to the Superstars Disney creates, shall we?

Apparently Miley was "twerking" some B-rated rap-star Juicy J (the only Juicy I recognize in the Hip Hop world is the song by the late Notorious BIG).  Now, I don't know what "twerking" is, but Miley makes it look like she is riding an air-d*ck.  If this is what twerking is, and if twerking is a recognizable dance, I'm afraid I'm ready to check out of this world.

Here is some edited footage:

Well, one thing's for sure: the phrase "Go white girl" does not come to mind.  Here is something that comes to mind: Where the hell is Lil' Kim in a half-dress wearing a pasty to smack some sense into this chick?  Foxy Brown?  Hell, Da Brat?  Again...  what the f*ck!

Do we really need... PC Laptops?

My laptop's battery got into the danger-zone, and the warning message we are all too familiar with opened on my screen:

It dawned on me...  is my laptop being politically correct?  What other power source must you mean, Windows?  I know, I'll do the onion/Gatorade thing - you know, where the guy charges his iPod?

  

We don't want you to feel left out.

We wouldn't want all the other power sources to feel left out, would we?  How would you feel if you were a steam-powered generator, and you knew laptops around the world weren't including you as a power source option?  I wouldn't want to live in a world that only favored the most convenient option for power-generation.  Maybe there is a species of giant hamsters...  ok, now we're just getting ridiculous, but you catch my drift.  So next time you are using your laptop and the battery nears the end of its life, make sure you consult Wikipedia's list of energy sources before walking just a couple of feet to the wall outlet.  Yeah, most houses nowadays have wall outlets every couple of feet...  but we don't want convenience to get in the way of all the other great sources of power, such as a hamster running on a wheel (I couldn't help but get that out!)

Final Analysis

Pox this politically correct crap.  If someone can legitimately find a better way to charge a laptop battery, please let me know.  Until then, Windows, just say "Plug in your f**king computer"!

Good day.

Do we really need... Pens with flashlights?

Even though I feel like I am revisiting Clocks on Appliances and Throw Pillows, I can't sit idly by while the mash-up of these two inventions continue to circulate the globe and get a free pass.  I am talking, folks, about the pen that has a flash-light built into it.

Inventing for invention's sake.

The pen is a fantastic invention.  It allows us to record our thoughts, data, or any other information that might be too important to rely on memory alone (I am lousy when it comes to remembering where a piece of paper, I had written important information on, is...  but that's my cross to bear).  The flash-light is also a great invention.  It provides light when there is only darkness.  But...  Who is the f*cking genius that thought it would be a good idea to combine an invention that requires light to use, with an invention that is only useful in the dark?  Hold on now, it would be great if the flashlight was mounted so you can write in the dark...  But no, the flashlight is on the top side of the pen.  So it doesn't even solve the problem of pens being useless in the dark!

Not to mention, these are the two inventions that are the hardest to find when you do need them.  Really, when someone asks if you have a pen, is your answer usually:  "Oh, I have one right here"?  No!  You say: I've got one somewhere, all the while rummaging through a ton of sh*t you haven't seen in ages with the faintest memory of a pen being there!  When the power goes out, is there ever a time when you say: I know where the flashlight with fully-charged batteries is!  NO!!  So why combine the f*cking two!

Final Analysis.

I love capitalism and the free-market.  But this lazy wannabe invention crap has got to end.  Let's stop ruining perfectly good inventions by strapping another equally important yet completely irrelevant invention to them.  I imagine twenty years from now I'll be writing about the convertible airplane, or lawn sprinklers with cup-holders...  yeah,  that's the world we live in.