Do we really need... Athletes endorsing products?

I was listening to the radio today when a commercial came on (shocking right?).  It was for some local pool company, and at the end Carolina Panther's John Beisen came on saying they were the only pool company he uses, and that was the sole reason I should use this pool company.  Now, this wasn't a pool maintenance company, they install pools.  So my first question was: how many f*cking times a year does this man install a pool?  My second question was: Why in the hell will I listen to this guy?  Was his first passion pool-install?  Did he just happen to settle for being a professional NFL athlete?

Trust me...  I'm famous!


I never understood the whole "celebrity crush" syndrome so many people seem to have.  I, personally, am for a world where famous people do their job and then shut the front door (euphemism for mouth).  Is this really a business model?  Create crappy product.  Pay someone famous (who already has millions) millions to hold/use it.  Count money.

This was a good move for James.

This has got to be the biggest hoax of all time!  We have been duped into believing that just because someone can fake out another person with a ball in their hands, they are somehow experts in other areas!  I've got news for you, they have dedicated a better portion of their lives to learning how to do things with balls in their hands, and were too busy to do any sort of product research!  We have all been FOOLED!

Let me be clear here.  I understand kids looking up to athletes as role-models and wanting to be like them, and most parents can agree that kids are the most direct route to their pocket books (or wallets, if you're a dude (yeah, why does the feminine money-carrier take precedence over the male?)).  But when was the last time you saw Kobe Bryant playing with GI Joe's in a commercial?  When was the last time you saw Nancy Kerrigan (WOW...  I am so sexist.  She is the only female athlete I know the name of.  I was going to use Serena Dion, but it didn't sound right.) riding around in one of those Barbie go-cart thing-a-ma-bobbers?  NEVER!  They advertise this crap so adults can say: "Sprite?  I never tried Sprite, but since Shaq loves Sprite, I need to try it!"  (Was it racist linking Shaq to Sprite?).

It's all about budgets.


After thinking about it for an exhausting 10 minutes, I have it figured out (you're welcome).  There was a marketing exec at a large corporation who was in charge of a HUGE marketing budget.  This seemed like a lot of work to this poor exec: "How do I spend all of this money?!?"  One day it dawned on him.  He can burn through a better portion of the budget by putting his product in some famous persons' hand, and film them holding it!  Viola!  Huge payouts are justified because the athlete is obviously used to earning millions a year, and the marketing exec just made their job THAT much easier!

I can imagine the guy thought of it while listening to Notorious B.I.G.'s song "Big Poppa".  You know at the end?  When Puff Daddy says: "Tell your friends, to get with my friends, and we can be friends"!  Thanks Puff!  (OK, I do realize athletes were endorsing products long before Biggy, but "come on!", it was funnier that way).

Final analysis.


Well, if you have it in the budget, go ahead and do it I guess.  OR, you can use that money to create more jobs, and not give it to someone who already has one!  (I can't help but think job-availability has been a concern lately...  especially when blogs pay shit).

You know what?  Spend your money how you spend your money, I have no beef.  Just know we are no longer fooled by your squirrely marketing techniques!  We are on to you - you lazy good-for-nothing marketing execs!  We are no longer going to purchase your products that you place into famous athletes hands!  Unless, of course, it is a product I already use.  I couldn't bear the inconvenience of finding a new one.