Men to be men.

Yo men, you know what I did this weekend?  I enjoyed downtown Charlotte with my wife for our anniversary.  What was my first order of business?  I broke my toe.  I did that before we even left the f*cking house.  What did I do about it?  I walked downtown Charlotte with my wife...  like a man.  I bowled several games at Strike City, like a man.  I even enjoyed intercourse...  like a man.  I know too many dudes who would've checked out on account of a broken toe...  unlike a man.

Men are different now.

No, feminists - we're not.  We are still men.  We have always wanted to look nice, smell nice, and be polite - but -  our need to be stronger than our female counter-part is natural.  Putting us in a onesie holding a cup of something other than coffee or liquor does not change us from what we are.  Actually, it just inspires us to make fun of the dude wearing a onesie holding a cup of something other than coffee or liquor (oh and coffee liquear does not count).

But dudes, you're allowing this sh*t to happen.  Why are you skipping cologne and going to full body spray?  Bar soap has done so well for us, but suddenly we are exfoliating with loofas and body gel?  F*cking face lotion?  F*cking hand lotion?  F*cking 18-blade razors???  Come on guys, cut your face once in a while, and do so without running for a damned band-aid.

Brohemian Rhapsody

Yeah bro, drink your morning iced-coffee through a straw.  That certainly makes it seem tougher than simply drinking an iced coffee...  oh wait, it doesn't.  Here is the real problem: this actually attracts women.  Women can actually look at this dude and think: ---  well..  I probably couldn't tell you what a woman thinks, but I still know what it's like to be a man.  This sure as hell doesn't; he is obviously one period away from crying over receiving tickets to the Ellen Degeneres show.  How awesome would it be to see her dance live, bro?

Men -

We no longer have to hunt and prepare food.  That's a plus.  That does not mean it is impossible to still be men in society.  Wanting to look nice is much different than being anything short of a female.  They set the rules - I get it - that doesn't mean they want to start dating more annoying versions of themselves!  That's what you've become - more annoying versions of females.