Do we really need... Invigorating face-wash?

During a shower a few days ago, something really pissed me off.  For a change, it wasn't the water pressure; It was an adjective used to describe the face wash I've used for quite some time now.

Invigorating.

What the hell Neutrogena?  I get what you are going for.  You want to create the image that after washing your face with their product you will feel energized... but really?  I've got news for you Neutrogena, I can just rub luke-warm water into my face in the morning and feel energized...  That doesn't make my hands, or my water, invigorating.  Now, you get me a face-wash with : "I clean your face, Mother F*cker!" Printed on it, and I will buy that shit by the case!  But instead, Neutrogena had to hire  a couple of marketing-majored-numbskulls to sit around a room thinking of some new face-wash-bottle designs.  Three months and $18,000 later, this is what they have come up with.

I feel it is also a huge disrespect to the English language.  Invigorate is such a cool word, isn't it?  I'm almost glad the title of the blog includes the word "invigorate" because I get to center the blog around it, and completely abuse it via over-use.  Sky-diving is invigorating.  Whitewater rafting is invigorating.  Hell, I am sure the running of the bulls is pretty f*cking invigorating - so when taking into account all of these awesomely invigorating activities, how the hell does Neutrogena have the balls to throw face-washing into the mix?

Marketing students - change your major.

Is it me, or is the quality of marketing talent being sculpted by our universities double-bogey at best (golf reference, sub-par can be interpreted as a "bogey", I wanted to drive the point home that the talent is in fact worse than just a bogey)...  Like those commercials that come out during football season, that awkwardly reference football:

We will give your team home-field advantage, so when it's

the two minute warning, we will get you to the red-zone

so you can score a touchdown.

Oh how I hate you - person in charge of marketing for <insert company name here>.  A few months back I had blogged about those ridiculous prescription pill commercials.  If I had the benefit of hindsight, I would've realized no single industry had shitty marketing cornered.

Final analysis.

OK marketing professionals (somehow, this blog segued from face-wash to marketing in general), here is the skinny.  When you tell me a product is "So easy a child can do it." and I have problems assembling it, you make me feel dumb and I hate you.  Stop.  Don't insist that I "don't want to be left behind", because no one wants to be a follower.  No one believes your product is "hassle-free."  OH, and when you run a commercial for a kitchen knife, don't tell me the knife retails for $79.99, just to immediately drop it down to $19.99, then throw in another knife exactly like it, then add a carrying-case made out of baby-hair and a cutting-board made out of Unicorn-horn... Is the knife made for $.02 by little Indonesian children?

Your product is probably not invigorating, exhilarating, exciting, breath-taking (funny, they never marketed cigarettes as such), appealing, handy, reliable, or something I cannot live without.  Please, stop with this nonsense.  At the end of the day, the end user will decide exactly what adjectives properly describe the use of your product.