Well folks, you may think today is merely September 29th, 2012. What you may not know is that September 29th is observed as "National Coffee Day"!! Today is the day where we have a moment of silence for the wonderful innovation of the crushed coffee bean with hot water slowly run through it. I had an extra minute for the person who discovered how wonderful coffee is with some coffee creamer in it. See how wonderful coffee is? It opened a whole new market for shit to be put into your coffee.
So today, put the decaf on the shelf, forget about any long-term damage that may be done to your heart from ingesting too much caffeine, and chug back as much Columbian coffee as your body can possibly handle. I know I have - my hands are shaking like hell as I type this!
Coffee, who are you anymore?
There comes a point in life, when you have to look closely to realize you have tried to fix something so much you end up breaking it. What the f**k has our world done to coffee? Coffee was perfect until shitty Starbucks got their hands on it. Seriously, have you ever gone to Starbucks and tried to order just a plain coffee? The barista looks at you like you're the biggest asshole in the world - I mean, with all of that frothy milk and syrup... you just want coffee? You are such an asshole, with a capital DICK.
Macchiato, Mochacino, Americano, Caramel Latte, Cappucino, and a whole slew of other made up coffee drinks makes it hard to keep up. But, just listing them makes me want to put on a beret and type up a blog on my Macbook on the patio at Starbucks. Everybody will look at me and think I am writing a screenplay, or some really deep poetry. Girls will look and think I am sensitive, and want to make small-talk. Guys will look and think I am confident because I had the balls to leave the house in a beret... or they'll think I'm gay.
Final Analysis.
Just drink your coffee and shut up. Drink it however you enjoy it. Don't observe this ridiculous "holiday"... I've been drinking coffee for almost 20 years now, and never once did I take a moment to appreciate its existence. Maybe I'm selfish, maybe I'm vain, I couldn't tell you. I'm too self-absorbed to worry about your feelings anyway. Celebrating coffee will take away from real holidays, like Super-Bowl Sunday... Now that's a holiday worth celebrating.
Been reading you for a while now, but had to stop lurking and comment on this one. I drink iced coffee. No milk, no sweetener, just ice & coffee. I have to repeat my order, several times, before they ever get it right at Starbucks, and even then they still ask me if I'm sure that's what I want. The last time I went, I heard one barista comment to her coworker "That's the weirdest drink I think I've sold here" as I walked away.
ReplyDeleteThe holiday I could get behind would be National Use Some Common Sense Day!